My Heart
by stingerette1975
Summary: A sad Ambreigns fic...the love Roman has for Dean was stronger than he could have ever imagine. One shot


**A/N: Figured I have a little bit of time now that school has started, I wanted to do a different one shot of Ambreigns that I haven't seen much of lately. I will say its sad what happens, but hopefully you realize you never lose the one you truly love. Hopefully you like!**

Dean and Roman have been the best of friends for pretty much their whole lives. They met on the playground when they were little kids. Roman lived in nice little neighborhood where kids played in the streets until dark. Dean, he lived in a nice little trailer park about a mile from where Roman lived. Both had a pretty decent childhood as they went to school together all the way thru high school. Roman played football as Dean played baseball and basketball. When they could, they cheered for the other at their respectful games. They were pretty much inseparable. That is, until they graduated high school. Roman got accepted to George Austin College on a football scholarship whereas Dean accepted to Carter State University about two states away on an academic scholarship. It was a tough time for the two young men as they wanted to go to the same college that was their first choice- Michael Urway University, but neither got accepted, so they both went with their second choices, which they got in.

They decided to spend that summer before heading off that August, which meant, camping, fishing, playing sports, just spending time together. But they never went beyond their friendship, although, Roman knew he was gay when he hit freshman, but never told anyone, not even Dean. Dean, on the other hand, was bi, which he never told Roman. Both didn't know how the other felt about each other's sexual orientation. They knew they would accept the other, but there was one problem that both didn't want to admit: They both had deep feelings for each other, but choose not to do anything about it. Yes, Roman went on dates with other women, as Dean, but neither felt the spark that they held for each other. They weren't denying it, so to speak, but just didn't want to ruin a lifelong friendship if things didn't work out.

Come August, after spending the best summer with each other before heading to their colleges, they both said their goodbyes and they hugged. It was a hug that they both didn't want to release just yet, but to hold on to each other for dear life. They stayed that way for a bit, before letting each other go. But, before they left, Roman reached down and softly pecked Dean on the lips and smiled. The spark. The heat. The electricity that Dean hadn't felt before. Just from that small peck. "Hope to see you around Thanksgiving. Will miss you Dean", was all Roman said before he turned around and left to his car, leaving Dean standing there with his hand on his lips like he was still trying to feel the spark again. He looked over to where Roman was getting into the car and closing the door. Roman looked at him, smiled, and waved before driving off, leaving Dean still standing there, not moving.

 **xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

 _Two years later:_

Roman and Dean seemed to have drifted from each other in the last couple of years. When they both came home for Thanksgiving that first year, they decided to experiment on each other, so to speak. After Roman had kissed him that August, they decided to text and skype each other more to remain close. They talked about the kiss and why Roman did that. Roman response was, "I've wanted to since sophmore year. I have liked you for a long time, but I didn't know how or where you stood on that, so I took my chance before I left to leave you with a little something." After that, they kinda flirted with each other, but never did phone sex or skype sex. They wanted to keep it to themselves, but have admitted to each other they got off on their pictures at night.

Then came Thanksgiving. It started out really really good, but it ended up being a disaster. About two days into their little vacation, they decided to take their friendship to the next level. They shared their first offical kiss together that night, under the clear sky with bright stars on a cold night, which left both breathless. They both were out in Roman's old trueehouse in the back, making out. It was to be their first time for both of them and wanted to make it special between them. They both started stripping their clothes and started to make out even more. It ended up with both making love to each for the next few hours until exhaustion took over. When the daytime came, both looked at each other, Roman smiled as he caressed Dean's face, but Dean's face told a different story.

 _"What's wrong Dean, did you regret last night?" Roman asked hesitiatly as he continued to touch Dean's face and hair._

 _"No, I don't, but it shouldn't have happened Roman." He responded weakly._

 _"Why not?"_

 _"Cause it's not fair to you that we slept together and I'm in a relationship."_

 _"You are in a WHAT?" Roman asked loudly as he stood up in shocked. "A relationship? With who?"_

 _"A guy named Seth Rollins. I met him the second week I was there and we kinda clicked. Same taste in music, same taste in food, good workout buddy and we are taking almost the same classes, which is how I met him." Dean sat up too, but couldn't look into those hurt gret eyes that he thought of so much while he was away._

 _"You why the fuck didn't you tell me this?" He growled angrily. "You had three fucking months to tell me this shit? Seriously? And you tell me this after I just gave myself to you for fucking nothing?" He looked over and picked up his boxer briefs and slid them on under the covers, cussing himself under his breath. He gets up and finds his pants to slip on._

 _Dean looks at Roman, trying to find a way to calm him down. "Roman, please, I'm sorry. I should have told you, but I couldn't-"_

 _"The fuck you couldn't tell me! Here I'm thinking that I found someone I could possible love and maybe, just maybe even have a life with, only to find out, he is in a fucking relationship not even a month after he leaves from here." Roman puts on his shirt and pulls his hair in a ponytail._

 _"Roman, please, I didn't have anyone but you and wanted to see what else there was before I could figure out my feeling for you. I dont' know, Seth and I seemed to get along and one night, one thing led to another..."_

 _Roman stops as he puts his socks and shoes on. Dean looks at him with pleading eyes. "So, you mean to fucking tell me that you lost your virginity to someone you just fucking met in college while I lost mine to someone who I've know for most of my fucking life. Unbelievable. Here, I'm thinking of transferring to where you were attending next year as a surprise to you, and you fucking blew it."_

 _Dean's eyes got wide when he hears Roman's confession. "Yeah Dean, I had talked to my counselor last week to see if my scholarship could be transferred to yours since their football team was in the top 5 best in the state. But you fucking blew it. I was gonna surprise you with that at Christmas, but I guess that is out of the question. Good thing I didn't put in the transferred, cause I would have looked like a fucking love sick puppy fool."_

 _Dean was left speechless. He didnt' know what to say. Roman was gonna move to be near him, the one dream he has since he was younger. Both talking about going to college together, moving in together after college and into adulthood. And who knew from there, but for the most part, it was pretty planned out. Now he fucked it up._

 _"Don't have anything to say? Didn't think so. I hope you and Seth have a wonderful time together while you are there. Hope that you are happy. Thinking it's time for me to cut this trip short and head back to the dorms."_

 _"No Roman, don't leave, please..." Dean softly spoke as he grabbed Roman's leg that was the closest to him. "I don't want us to leave on bad terms. I don't want to lose my friendship with you. We've been friends for so long, please, don't leave..." his voice cracked a little._

 _Roman didn't really say anything at first. He didnt' like seeing Dean looking sad, but he was too pissed off right now to even be in the same room with him. He needed to get out of there and get his mind process in the right place. "I'm sorry Dean, but it's for the best right now. The feelings I have for you, I can't deal with them with you around, so I'm gonna head back in a couple of hours. I hope you enjoy the rest of your holiday vacation."_

 _Before Dean could respond, Roman turned around and left the treehouse, leaving a brokenhearted Dean sitting there with tears finally falling down his cheeks..._

Two years since that went down between Roman and Dean. Two years since they really talked. After Roman left that day to head back, Dean tried to text him, call him, even skyped him. But Roman would never answer them. After three months of trying, Dean finally gave up. Him and Seth split by the end of their first year when Dean admitted he cheated on him with Roman at Thanksgiving. Seth wasn't angry by no means, but he didn't want to be in a relationship with someone who wouldn't love him fully. Couldn't blame him either and Seth ended up seeing a guy named Randy Orton, who played for the Aztecs Warriors football team.

Dean had not been feeling well the last four months. He had been dealing with some sort of illness that seems to have made him so tired and weak all the time. He still went to classes, but it took everything he had to make it through the day. After talking to his parents, he decided to go to the doctor to find out what was the problem. After two weeks of blood tests, MRI and cat scans, they found out that his heart was weak and starting to give out slowly. He was never a healthy eater, but he exercised all the time and even worked to stay active. He still played sports for the first couple of years of college until he started feeling off.

After the doctor's told him his heart was slowly giving out, they told him he had about maybe up to a year to live without a donor, longer if he did get a donor. So with the permission of Dean and his parents, they put him on the donor's list for a heart transplant. It was at least a six month waiting period for a new one, but hopefully Dean's heart held on until he could get on.

Dean went to his parents for a while after getting all the news. The college gave him an execption to missing classes as long as he could skype the classes and keep up with his schoolwork so he wouldn't lose his scholarship. So he did. He took it easy and followed the doctor's orders to keep himself as healthy as possible. He started eating better and he even quit smoking and drinking. (Dean wasn't a heavy drinker or smoker). He just wanted to live longer. He didn't want to die without really living his life. He even thought of Roman again and how he wanted to make amends and try to repair their long time friendship they have had. He just wasn't sure how to do it though.

Finally, Dean got a text from Roman. He froze when he saw the text. He had to rub his eyes to make sure it was real. He read it again.

 **Hi Dean. I heard the news from your parents. Are you up to talking?**

Dean's eyes started tearing up, almost two years since they last talked and it didn't end well. He wasn't even sure if he ever would get to talk to him again, and here, he just texted him. Hell, he was just thinking about him too and now, here he is. He hits reply...

 **Sure, that would be nice. When?**

And he hits send. A few moments later, his phone rings and its Roman. He takes a deep breath and nervously answers the phone..."Hell...Hello?" he said in a shaky voice.

"Hi Dean...how are you feeling?" Roman asked, being nervous himself. Truth be told, he missed Dean. Even after he left that day, he never stopped thinking about him. Even after trying to date a guy named Tyler for a couple of months, he couldn't do it. His heart belonged to Dean and to Dean only. But the last couple of years, he just couldn't bring himself to admit that Dean meant more to him than he wanted to feel. Until he got the news from Dean's parents that Dean was slowly dying from a weak heart. And that damn near killed him. He instantly thanked them for the info and immediately texted Dean to see if he could talk to him. He wanted to clear the air and get their friendship back on track and maybe even apologize for ignoring him for so long. When Dean said Sure, he then called him right there...

"I'm doing okay, I guess. Just taking it day by day. How have you been?" It was nice to hear his voice again after so long. He really missed him. More than he cares to admit. He just wished he could see him right now and tell him how he really feels about him. That he loved him. Truly madly deeply loves him.

"Been good...classes been boring, but nothing I can't handle." Okay, this is not the convo he wanted with Dean. He needed to know. "Dean?"

"Yeah Ro?"

Ro...the nickname Dean gave him when they were in 4 th grade together. He loved that nickname and only he could get away with it.

"Tell me, how you are really? And don't bullshit me, okay?" he said softly.

Dean sighs as he takes a deep breath. He lets it out slowly. "Honestly? Miserable. I'm dying Ro, and there isn't a damn thing anyone can do about it."

"Don't talk like that Dean. You are NOT going to die. Not while I'm around."

"How do you know that Ro? Huh? I'm facing reality that I'm not gonna last long. They've only given me a year to live if I don't get a donor. And as of right now, I'm on a six month waiting list, providing my heart doesn't give out before then."

"You are stronger than you think Dean. You don't give up. Please, don't give up. I can't lose you Dean. You mean to fucking much to me."

"How so? I haven't heard from you in almost two fucking years Roman! TWO YEARS! And now that you know that I am dying, you now want to talk to me? Why, you guilty of something?" Dean couldn't help it. He was angry. Angry that he hadn't seen Roman since that day after they made love to each other. Angry that it took him dying to even hear from him again.

"No...no, I've been an asshole because I couldn't handle the thought that you were with someone else Dean. I gave myself to you because..." he stopped before he said anything he may not take back. He was fighting back the tears. He was losing the one person who truly had his heart.

"Because what Roman, don't fucking play games with me." Dean shouted back. He was breathing hard, so hard that he needed to catch his breath before he weak heart gave out on him. He took his oxygen tube from a small tank and breathed into it to calm down. He didn't need this, but he did.

"Because I love you..." he said ever so softly that Dean didn't think he heard right.

"You WHAT?" Dean asked, he wanted to hear it again in case his mind was playing tricks on him.

"I love you Dean. Always have and always will. I feel in love with you in high school. But I didn't want to act on it because I wasn't sure how you really felt about me. I fell in love with you our senior year when we were at prom. You were crowned Prom King and Sasha was Prom Queen. I watched you danced and knew right then, you had my heart. It was always you Dean. No matter what happened between us, it was always you..." Roman broke down a little confessing his love. He knew it was too late to tell him, but needed to tell him to give him a reason to live.

Dean sat there in shock. He didn't know what to think. For the last couple of years, all he wanted was to get Roman's love. His biggest regret is that he didn't know this sooner. He didn't push for this sooner. Their one night of passion was truly the best night of his life. He wanted to tell him he loved him that night, but the words couldn't come out. Even while with Seth, his heart belonged to Roman. Always has and always will...

"Dean...Dean?" Roman pleaded..."Are you still there?"

Dean opens his eyes after closing them for a bit, he is fighting back tears..."Yeah, I am still here..."

"Say something Dean...please..."

Dean sighs again, then opens his eyes back up and lets the tears fall..."Roman...I love you too..." his voice cracked.."I love you too Roman, always have and always will. I'm so sorry..." Dean, this time starts crying hard..."I'm so sorry that I hurt you two years ago. I'm so sorry..."

"Shhh...it's over now. It's okay. We both didn't know how the other was feeling at that time and I take responsibility for my actions. I should have risked it and told you in the beginning." Roman said as he wipes his eyes himself.

Dean smiles through the tears. "I just miss you so much Roman. These last year and a half have been miserable for me. I miss you Roman. I miss you..."

"I miss you too...so much. Can I see you?"

"Of course you can, when would you like to come by and visit?"

"I have classes the rest of this week but I do have some free time before finals next week. Does that sound okay?"

"Sounds perfect. We will have to talk and plan more in the next few days."

"Yes we will. Dean?"

"Yeah Roman?"

"I love you, just remember you always have my heart...okay?"

"I love you too Roman. And you have mine, even though its weak right now..." Dean chuckles, trying to make light of the situation.

"It's not weak, just needs to be redone is all. I'll let you go for now and talk to you tomorrow, get some rest, okay?"

Dean didn't want to let Roman go, but he was feeling a little bit tired. "Okay, call me tomorrow as promise, okay?"

"You got it..." Roman and Dean talked for a few more minutes before they hung up...he couldn't wait to see him next week...he knew he couldn't deny him any more...

 **xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

But next week would never come...Roman was suppose to show up on Wednesday. They talked for the next three days to be prepared to see each other. He even talked the night before to make sure things were still a go...

 _"Can't wait to see you tomorrow baby...I'm excited and nervous..."_

 _"Why Roman?"_

 _"Cause its been a while since we seen each other and I'm not sure how its gonna be..."_

 _"It will be fine babe, more than fine. I just want to kiss you and hold you..."_

 _"No Dean, I want to hold you and kiss you first."_

 _"Fine, we both hold each other and kiss each other at the same time, how does that feel?"_

 _Dean chuckles..."That's even better. Can't wait..."_

 _"Neither can I, I will call you when I head out in the morning so that I can be there by mid day. I want to spend as much time as I can with you..."_

 _"Same here...now get some sleep and I'll hear from you tomorrow, okay?"_

 _"Okay, I love you Dean..."_

 _"I love you too Roman, good night baby"_

 _"Goodnight..."_

Who knew that was the last time they would talk. The next morning, Roman sent Dean a quick text instead of calling him as he was running a little late.

 **I know you are still alseep, but was running a little late this morning. Heading out now and see you in a couple of hours. I love you. Remember, you are my heart.**

Roman sends the text and then gets in the car and starts to head out to see Dean.

Three hours later, Dean wakes up to his parents waking him up, crying. He had no idea what was going on.

"Mom? Dad? What's going on?" Dean asked nervously. Why were they crying?

"Dean, honey..." His mom said..."We have some bad news..."

Dean didn't like this, he was expecting Roman at any time...what was so bad? "What bad news mom?" Dean asked as he checks his phone and sees a text from Roman.

"It's about Roman..."

That got Dean's attention..."What about Roman?"

"He got into a bad car accident 10 miles from here. Baby..."

"No...no...do NOT tell me Roman didn't make it...he said he was running late and he would be here...he's okay, I know he's okay..."

Mom sat down next to Dean as his dad stood next to her. "No Dean, Roman is not okay. Roman didn't make baby, he was killed on impact when a drunk driver hit him dead on..."

Dean didn't move...he didn't move for a bit...then...

Dean let out this ear pericing scream. And he kept screaming as he starting throwing anything he got his hands on..."NO! NO! YOU ARE FUCKING LYING! HE DIDN'T DIE! HE CAN'T BE DEAD! NO! NO! NOT ROMAN!"

Dean's mom moved off the bed as he dad tries to intervene. "DEAN! STOP!"

Dean gets away and gets off the bed.."NO! YOU ARE TELLING ME ROMAN IS DEAD! NO! DON'T FUCKING TELL ME TO CALM DOWN!"

"Dean, baby, your heart..please.."

"I DON'T FUCKING CARE! I WANT ROMAN!" Dean continued to scream as he tries to pace the room back and forth. He then collapse to his knees...crying..."I want Roman..." he cracks...as he falls to the floor.

His parents then ran over to where Dean was before he fell completely to the floor. He had passed out. "DEAN!" His mother yelled as his father holds him closely to his chest. This wasnt' good. They needed to take him to the hospital and quickly.

 **xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Two weeks later, Dean wakes up in the hospital. He looks over and sees his parents sitting in the chair waiting for him to wake up. After telling him that Roman died in a car accident, Dean had lost it. So much that he fainted when his heart was working overdrive. They took him to the hospital fast and rushed him into the ER. Ironically, Roman's parents were there as well to identify their son's body. Dean's parents rushed to hug Roman's parents and told them what was happening with Dean. The decision was made right there. Roman became an organ donor after he found out about Dean and his heart. He knew that one day he would be able to save someone's life if his time on earth was done. Roman's parent's didn't want Dean's parents to lose their only son, so they made the choice to donate Roman's heart to Dean. Now, just had to tell him...

"Mom? Dad?" Dean croaked out...

Dean's mom come running to his side..."Hey baby...you are awake...how do you feel?"

"Strangely, I feel okay..." he said weakly...

"Good to hear...I was hoping you would be feeling better. You got your heart transplant after you passed out..."

Dean eyes got wide as he looked down and saw that his chest as bandaged and tubes coming out underneathe it..."I got a heart transplant already?" But who..." then it dawned on him..."no...no...tell me I didn't get Roman's heart...please..." his voice cracked as he looked up as his parents face...when they didn't respond...he knew...

"No...God no..." he pleaded as the tears started coming down...

"Yes baby...Roman's parents wanted you to have their son's heart so that you could live again. They wanted to make sure you felt the heartbeat that Roman felt when he was alive. They wanted him to live through you...because he told them just before he left, that he loves you and that you always had his heart. And now, baby...you really do have his heart..." she softly said as she pointed to his heart monitor and sees the heartbeat go up and down.

Dean starts to really cry as his mom reaches down and hugs her only son...his father couldn't even move at the scene that was in front of him. He accepted Dean was gay and even accepted Roman to be a part of their lives one day...no way did he imagine that it was be this way...

She gently breaks the hug and looks at Dean and starts to wipe his tears. "It's okay Dean...Roman is now and will always be with you...in here..." she pointed to his chest. "And it beats strongly for you."

"I know..." was all Dean said at that moment.

Dean then smiles through the tears again as he he closes his eyes...He sees Roman standing there in front of him, smiling, shining brightly and holding his hand over his heart. That was his way of letting him know that he was okay and that he will always be with him...for the rest of his life.

 **A/N: Yes, I cried writing the ending to this, but I wanted this to be as real as I can between these two. How no matter what happens, the love will never die, no matte how much time has passed. I hope you enjoyed this one shot. Let me know what you think!**


End file.
